when you don't have any chocolate in the house?  I asked on Facebook, and got some interesting answers. Drink, they said, sex, pancakes...right down to, go and get some.  Good move.  But I'm trying not to go out in the car unnecessarily, and the need for a chocolate fix isn't really a major problem, particularly when I'm planning to go out tomorrow.  So I'm going to do what everyone does in this case... make a chocolate cake. 

My son earned my disapprobation when he said that Byfords of Holt make better chocolate cake than I do...but he might be right.  Sigh.  But I remembered an old Delia recipe for Chocolate Beer Cake, so whipped out her first big recipe book...and it wasn't there.  It was in one of the earlier books, the Evening Standard one, I think... which I gave away long ago, thinking I didn't use it.  Well, I didn't...except for that cake.  Thanks to the joy of the internet, however, I am reprieved... it is here. 

Phew.  I don't like TV chefs as a rule, and have only ever bought that original Delia cookbook and one by the ubiquitous Nigella Lawson, but I rarely consult them.  I don't like their style, but for different reasons.  They both irritate me hugely, though I accept that they do what they do well, and are worshipped (I use the word advisedly...) by millions.  I guess I just don't like being told what to do.  I've been cooking for over thirty years, and have gone from reading a recipe and following it verbatim, through consulting a recipe, and following it vaguely, to creating my own recipes, vigourously.  And unwritten.  And containing words like 'slug', 'smidgen' and 'bit'.  Maybe I should write a cookery book...but first, I'm going to make That Cake...

 Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to Spring, to see how my clematis will do after being hacked to the ground by the gardener last autumn.  He swears it will run rampant...I hope he's right; it's one of my favourite flowers.  The cats are keen for Spring Proper, too, and have followed me about all day, asking me to switch the rain off.  Of course, we shouldn't want that, as drought is a real problem for Norfolk, but secretly, I think everyone but the farmers would like a nice day once in a while.  It has cleared up here, after three days of persistent rain, so the cats have shot out of the catflap to do catty things.  Let's hope they come back again...

There's The Good News...

which is that Robin started a temporary job today, which will bring in some much needed cash.  We're far from living on the poverty line... we did that when we were first married, and believe  me, I know the difference.  If it hadn't been for Robin's parents, we would have struggled enormously.  Just in case you were thinking that I don't know what I'm talking about.  But, of course, the more income you have, the more commitments, too... like mortgages.  Children aren't cheap, either, not even grown up ones.  

The bad news... well, you would think I would be delighted, wouldn't you.  Instead, the demon depression is snarling at my heels.  We are, of course, not out of the woods yet by any means.  But it is typical of me to go through difficult times, ignoring how I feel, and then have it all slap me in the face when things get a bit easier.  Still, there are lots of benefits to the position we're in at present, many of them revolving around food... no surprises there, huh?  My banana bread has improved in leaps and bounds.  I've created a number of interesting soups.  And I discovered a carrot cake recipe to die for... so there are bonuses. 

Nothing is ever as black as it feels.  And these things pass...particularly feelings.  To help the bad ones along, I'm going to go play in the studio this afternoon.  The fact that I don't feel like it, is proof that I should be doing it.

Here We Go Again.

I'm in a bit of a state.  A year ago, my lovely husband took what seemed to be the perfect job.  And it was, on paper.  A year later, he could no longer bear to work there, for reasons I won't go into here, and handed in his notice.  He finished on 31 December, and has not been able to find more work.  Anyone looking for a good Finance Director anywhere in the UK, please feel free to shout out!

So... we have roughly £60 a week coming in until he gets another job, or six months passes, whichever comes first.  This has happened before, so we know how to handle it, but I thought I would record my attempts to save money, make do and mend and all those lovely things that we promise ourselves we will do when it's not strictly necessary, and immediately start to do when it is.

I've started by cooking up a storm; this has halved our food bill.  I think this is probably the most straightforward contribution I can make to our joint finances.  No convenience food of any kind, less meat, more veg, and home made cake and biscuits (this week, it's banana bread).   Strictly speaking, the cake etc is not necessary, but everybody has to have a little sweetness in their lives...  And the challenge is to use everything up... no throwing out.  At the moment, there's not all that much in my fridge, but I made fish pie yesterday, and made enough for two meals.  The tomato sauce I made to mix the fish into, I made a double amount of, and that is waiting in a container for me to make pizza.  There's some pork mince, some of which will be cooked with doughballs, and some as a chilli. 

Not throwing anything out means using the disasters, too.  I made some flapjacks with maple syrup,which didn't work too well, and crumbled as I took them out of the pan (note to self, leave overnight before removing from pan...the ones I had abandoned came out beautifully this morning, sigh.)  So, I made too much custard yesterday (that was to go with the remains of a chocolate and maple syrup sponge which I'd made from stuff in the storecupboard).  I've mixed that with a little creme fraiche and the remains of the  lemon curd I made at Christmas (no more of that, it's an indulgence...) Then I stirred the flapjack crumbs into the mix.  It tastes very nice...very rich, certainly, so small portions are on the cards, which means it will go further...hurrah.

I've applied for a couple of jobs, though given that I've been out of the job market for some time, it seems unlikely I'll get anything.  So, just in case things get out of hand, and we have to sell the house, I'll be doing the other half of my domestic diva impression, and finishing off all the jobs that I should probably have done years ago...and hopefully get rid of my son's possessions...which would give me a lot more room to play with!  So watch this space for more wittering about downsizing, repairing and generally tarting up...