Saturday, 1 March 2008

When The Demon Depression Comes Calling...


I find it's the small things that chase him away, or at least relax the death grip he has round my throat. And I mean that quite literally. Today is a bad day. What that means, is that I didn't want to get out of bed. So I didn't. And that was the first step in what is proving to be a day of small steps towards feeling a bit better. I stayed where I was, and admitted that I felt lousy. The cats thought this was great...one on my chest, one tucked in at my knees, one at my feet, all asleep, the one on my chest giving a desultory purr every time he thought I looked like moving. Sometimes just admitting you feel lousy, and allowing yourself to feel it, is enough. Not today, sadly, but it was enough to get me out of bed, eventually.

The next step was to eat something. Bananas, as it happens. Good for you, energy giving, quite sweet... yum. And Robin made lunch, later, so all I had to do was eat it. Forgetting to eat makes me feel much worse than I am. And I also remembered to take my meds, including the all important iron tablet (yuk).

Then, I logged on, checked my emails, and admitted to my online friends that this was, indeed, a bad day. And I allowed myself to watch them wave and smile, and encourage me to hang on in there. Which I'm doing, folks, I promise.

And then, the ironing. Well, I felt bad to start with....might as well do a job I hate. So I have been ironing, it's productive, it's boring, but you do have to concentrate, so no thinking dark thoughts... And then I moved on to piecing Andrew and Sarah's quilt for their wedding. It's not a complicated pattern, quite the reverse, but I do have to think about the colour choices and the placement of the different fabrics (it is pretending to be a scrap quilt), so, like the ironing, it's monotonous but productive, with the additional bonus of being creative to boot.

Oh, and I've added some music, who better than Van Morrison for a bad case of the blues, and some perfume, a beautiful, bright, fresh scent that I'm trying out. And I thought I'd write all this down, a sort of recipe, in case anyone else is having a bad day. It may not work for you, but it's always worth remembering that you're not along in this, not today. Go on, do something for you. I dare you!

6 comments:

Beth said...

Sending you hugz and smiles.

Dayna said...

Kindred souls. Must be the time of year as mine has taken it's death grip on me of late also. The dogs comfort me and make me aware that they need. Food, water, love. The biggest settles himself on my chest and stares into my face as if to say ... "Mom...get up and play with us". Hubby reminds me to eat and schedules outings so I have to bathe and get dressed. Sleep is either all the time or not at all. I wonder why our family is cursed with this malady as another sister is back on the meds and seeking therapy once again. Thankful for my glimpses of sanity and am still able to see the beauty in life.Thoughts and memories fight and fade in and out. You are not alone. I send some of my joys to share with you in hopes that they may replace a small part of the dark thoughts.

ZudaGay said...

It really is the little things, isn't it? A taste, a touch, a simple chore, another's need... May Robin be blessed for taking care of you and and you for doing those things you need to do. May tomorrow be a good day for all!

Chauncey said...

I hope it helps even a little that you have many friends here that really care about you and your well being. May tomorrow be brighter. Hugs to you!

Beate Knappe said...

I know this feelings very well - and I have to fight too - sometimes daily but we will wine thats for sure

lisette said...

hugs - i have that cold demon depression too although i think of him as a wolf always there trotting beside me waiting for his moment..

lots more hugs